Fractured under the weight of friendship

Friend... I have learned to use this term loosely, if at all. When confronted with the task of deciding whether I want to be "friends" with someone I literally have an anxiety attack. In my 31 years of existence I have yet to master the art of friendship and the weight it carries. I usually attract needy, dysfunctional and selfish people who are looking for someone to latch on to and suck dry. However, every 7 years or so if I am lucky, I encounter that one person who makes me get on my knees and thank Jesus for having mercy on my sanity. Now that person is a FRIEND. They require little to no effort and know exactly what to say and do and when to say it and do it! This post isn't about those FRIENDS though. This post is about the other 95% who make me wish like hell the world stopped spinning so I can get off! Yes, some of you are probably reading this and wondering if you're that person...truth is....you probably are that person! So stop it!

So, last week I stop in to talk to a buddy of mine and he's telling me how he wants this great group of friends who are self sufficient and independently functioning yet considerate people. After listening to him I'm like, " Hell yea, me too" but realistically could I handle that? As I thought more about the subject I realized I have been the rock in many of my relationships and friendships. I am the person they can always count on,but heaven forbid I need to a shoulder to lean on! It's as if I'm asking for them to take a bullet. I have learned that these people are the hardest to get rid of for two reasons; they feed our egos and they aren't letting go without a fight. Don't be fooled though! It's not because they appreciate our friendship or love us to pieces. No, no, no...it is because they have already broken us in and worn us down. That's right, they are smarter than we think. The weight that these friendships place on our sanity and emotional well being is unhealthy. There are times I want to scream and punch people right in the mouth, but what good would it do to someone who can't see anything but themselves and their problems. Instead, I slowly start to back away and sometimes I don't do it slowly. I have learned that some friendships need to end just as quickly as they began. It's not easy, but neither is being broken down into tiny pieces under the weight of other peoples problems, concerns and short comings.

People don't realize that the minute they open their mouths and start complaining or dishing their drama they are transferring their negative energy to the other person. It is the transferring of this energy that results in that person feeling lighter and you feeling negative and uncomfortable. Many of us deal with this for years before deciding enough is enough. Yes, you will be the bad guy for putting yourself first. Yes, you are selfish because this ONE time you don't want to hear anyone's crap. Yes, you will start to lose "friends" the moment you start putting yourself and your sanity first. But, for all those people who walk out of your life because you've changed and want to be "selfish and inconsiderate", there will be room for new people to enter. Trust me, when you come across these people they are like breaths of fresh air. They add to your existence as opposed to taking away from it. These will be the people that help you shed your old skin and find new and more comfortable attire. These will be the people who are there when you take your last breath because you have become a part of the air they breathe.

I encourage you all to step out on a limb and put yourself first. Evaluate those around you and see if you can breathe without them. If you can, odds are it's time to let them go! If you can't, nurture and nourish that relationship, because it is helping to give you life!

Breathing you all in,
Mia