The next step!

To all of my loyal readers and followers...

I have purchased my domain! My new blog address is 365todobetter.com. I will no longer be posting here. Thank you for you constant support and I look forward to building with you in our new space!

Love,
Mia

The "One"

The concept of  "the one" has plagued me for quite some time. Like many of you, I fell in love with someone a few years back and needless to say it didn't work out. No one, and I mean no one could tell me that he wasn't the one for me. They still can't. The fact that I have not forgotten or stopped loving this person is by far my greatest shortcoming. So let's get into this knee deep and see what the real issue is, shall we!?!

For years, I have replayed this one relationship over in my head at least a thousand times wondering what I could have done differently. The truth is, there is nothing I could have done differently because he simply didn't want me. That was by far the hardest thing to accept and I still haven't fully accepted that ridiculous tidbit. Yes, denial is a bitch and I walk her everyday! Things went down exactly how they were supposed to and whether they were right or wrong, it's pretty hard not to think about the "what if's". I mean this man moved me in ways I never even thought possible and yet he treated me like his worst enemy the last month of our relationship. It's funny how things can change from one day to the next. I know, I know many of you are probably like there had to be signs. You're right, there were signs and like every woman who has ever been swept off her feet I ignored those bastards. So naturally, when I got dropped on my ass for the infamous ex-girlfriend and all those red flags were what I used to dry my tears...my inner bull (yes, I'm a stubborn Taurus) began to emerge. Word of advice people, chalk the shit up and walk away. In retrospect that's what I should have done. Instead, I burrowed deep and spewed off at the mouth. It has come to bite me in my ass, but not the way I could have imagined.

You see, I told this man that he would never find anyone like me. I know very ballsy! I still feel this way and clearly I was and am still wrong. He is happily married and living the life. I, on the other hand am happily single and waiting to start a new life. What's even more interesting is that he said I'd never find another black man who was educated, had no children, good credit and his own place. He was wrong. Everyone since him has possessed all of those qualities, but none of them are as caring, giving, loving, thoughtful or considerate as he was during our stint together. Honestly, the real reason I believe I can't let go of this man is because I can't find those qualities in any man I happen to encounter. Either that or I am a glutton for punishment...who knows?!? 

I think we get caught up in this headspace where we tell ourselves we will never have a love like the one we have lost. I don't necessarily believe this to be true, but I do believe that it will not be as easy to attain. You see, when we love like it's nobody's business and have nothing to show for it, mentally and emotionally we unravel and pick ourselves apart. Sadly enough, by the time we get ourselves together we have unknowingly built up some pretty high walls for the next Prince Charming or Wonder Woman to climb over and unless they have been practicing pole vaults in their spare time...they aren't going to make it over. I, my dears, have personally learned that no one is going to put in the work of tearing down walls that they haven't themselves built. We need to learn to make peace everyday, however we can, and start tearing down our walls. Also, we have to learn that this person will never come back to us and we have to be happy that they found love even though we haven't. It sucks being the bigger person in our own little world, but it is necessary in order to make peace with ourselves. I will confess, that periodically I will chat it up with this same man about random stupid stuff. Not because I'm trying to sway him back to me, but because sometimes just knowing that I can hit him up like any other regular person I know makes it easier to deal with not having him in my life. It's not the most conventional tactic, but it's mine. If we give "the one's" and  our history with them so much energy and power, we will never see  things for what they truly were. Stepping stones, growing pains, lessons learned, wake up calls or just plain ol' experiences. I've learned to pull only the positives from my experience as that has also helped me to accept the situation. By choosing to only embrace the positives I have been able to turn having my heart broken into learning things about myself. I encourage you all to confront yourself, your "the one" and your feelings about the situation. A new year is coming and I think we need to go into it a little lighter! 

Here is to being fearless in your quest to prepare for the RIGHT ONE...

Mia

Keeping My Head Up…

I would like to apologize to my followers for not posting for quite sometime. Unfortunately, I have been under the weather and going through some personal issues. However, I am back and ready to blog it out. This one is personal though.

During this time away from my blog I have been noticing and experiencing many things regarding friendships, relationships, death, life and love. I contemplated for weeks on how I was going to return to my blog, especially since I am feeling many things emotionally. Honestly, many of the them are not exactly positive and trying to put a positive spin on some of them has proven rather difficult. After shedding many tears over the past few weeks, I have internalized many things and am currently taking inventory and responsibility for my current state of life. In this process, I have noticed that I may be taking too much responsibility because some stuff has nothing to do with me or things that I have or have not done. Being a bleeding heart is not helping this matter, but I am a work in progress and this is my journey.

So, one of my main concerns has been this blog. It has become evident that the people I really thought were going to support me haven't even taken the time to read, post or encourage this endeavor. Yet, people I never thought would even be in my life are on the sidelines cheering me on and I am forever grateful for them. Some of the sidebar feedback I received left me feeling defeated, but I had to remember that I can't control peoples perception of what I write and that this blog is MY personal journey. And no one is going to ruin this for me. I also realized that I made a big mistake asking some people to check out my blog and support. This is a safe space for both myself and my readers, especially those that comment. So, I must apologize to those of you who feel that I have allowed negativity into our space. I will be more mindful when sharing our space and thoughts.

Another concern for me has been my judgement or lack thereof and the previous paragraph is proof of that concern. I still can't manage to pick the right people to be in my life. As I write this very sentence, my heart is heavy. I don't think some people realize how the things they say and do come across whether it be via text, social media, phone convos and good ol' actions. I have encountered quite a lot of crap from people over the past few weeks and they seem oblivious to their actions and words. I must admit, I realize in retrospect that those people were purposely trying to hurt my feelings as a way to get me to back off and leave them alone without clearly stating that they didn't want me around. I got the message today loud and clear. Although it hurts, I get it and I am sorry I didn't get the hints sooner.

Like friendship, love has also been sending me on a kiddie roller coaster ride. I took a leap of faith and approached a gentleman on the train who continuously sought me out to greet me some mornings on the train. I, in an effort to see what the deal was, bought a blank card and made my move. I know, bold right! Well, he called and we spoke for 4 hours. My loves, it took 4 hours for him to tell me he had a girlfriend and although things aren't the best between them, he isn't into self sabotage. I was floored and disheartened by this current state of affairs. On top of all of the stuff I've been pushing through, there is a younger gentleman who has been in my life for about 4 months now. I am torn about whether I even want a friendship with this man. Nothing seems to come easy, everything seems forced, conversations are awkward and overall everything seems contrived. It's like punishment for being a hopeless romantic. If any of you out there are having this out of character experience, I feel your pain.

So with all of this stuff going on, I am trying to prepare for Christmas and decide on additions to this lovely blog I am trying to get off the ground. I want to let all of you know that all of my posts are things I have personally experienced and have decided to share. Granted some are in retrospect and some are recurring, but they are in no way shape or form meant to come across in ways that make someone feel as though they are being judged. Two people stated that my first few posts seemed angry and bitter. I assure you that although I am passionate about my life experiences and journey, I am in no way bitter or angry. Every post comes from a place of deep love and concern for others who may be experiencing the same things. I encourage feedback and dialogue, but most of all I encourage you to break free. This is not a place where you or your commentary will be embarrassed, ridiculed or argued with.  Please be patient with me, as I too am transitioning.

With that being said…I've missed you all and can't wait to read your comments going forward…

Loving you all(ways),

Mia