Lets Talk About Sex ...Baby

A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend and we got on the subject of sex and how we put ourselves in situations where we regret having done the horizontal tango with a gentleman caller not quite deserving of the goodies. As our conversation proceeded, I thought of all of my sexual encounters and realized I have been in that situation more than I care to admit. What was worse than having had engaged in meaningless sex, was the feeling that lingered once the act was done. Complete and utter self loathing. I then wondered if men also experience the same type of self loathing. Hopefully, some of my male readers will leave some commentary.

As a woman I think we are more apt to feeling compassion, empathy and sympathy when it comes to men and their pursuit of the nookie. Normally we tend to consider how much time has been invested, any tokens of affection that may have been given and ultimately whether or not there is potential for more past the sexual encounter itself. These considerations usually come into play when we have been dating someone for a reasonable period of time and usually don't result in that feeling of self loathing. If nothing comes of the situation post sex, we can usually chalk it up to a lesson learned and another notch on our four poster bed. However, what do you do when you end up having sex with someone against your better judgement?

Yes, this is the dilemma many women face and often times agonize over because we didn't listen to our instincts and bail. I have learned to discern that regardless of how romantic, funny, smart and attractive a person is, that doesn't mean that I have to part my legs like the Red Sea and ride him like the lone ranger. As a matter of fact, I usually rely and sometimes summon that gut instinct that causes all of my red flags to go up and let me know that the situation is not worth it and in turn is going to end up going south. But sometimes we get weak, second guess ourselves because of some sorry excuse we conjured up and jump right in the sack. BIG MISTAKE. That type of sex is like an outer body experience where your conscious and vagina are in a corner coaching you through the situation so you don't cry. We usually walk away from these situations feeling and looking like hell and then wondering what happened. Truth is, we made a terrible decision and need to accept responsibility.

There is no sense in beating yourself up about the situation since it has already occurred. The best thing to do is evaluate why you questioned your judgement in the first place. This usually has something to do with underlying issues of trust resulting from previous decisions that went awry. In all honestly, sex with a partner is something that one should approach rationally. It may even mean cutting yourself off until you can better appreciate yourself and what gifts you and Ms. Kitty have to offer. Every time we sleep with someone, we leave a piece of ourselves with that person that we can never get back. After a while, you sit and reflect and realize how much of yourself you've given away and you have nothing to show for your gift giving. I have been there and it isn't pretty. It can leave you feeling bitter and angry, both with yourself and your partners. But lets be real, they have moved on and you're still trying to pick up the pieces of you that they threw away. YOU, my dear friend, are worth KEEPING. You are beautiful, intelligent, classy and PRICELESS. So the lesson here is to value what you have to offer sexually, trust your instincts and most of all make rational thought out decisions. You will thank yourself later when your husband is telling you how much he loves you and respects you sexually.

Heres to you and your good judgement,

Mia